Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Mini-hangover diary

This falls under the “mini-hangover” category, as my hangover is neither here nor there. Because although we had another Bitchfest (read: work happy hour) last night, it wasn’t a Booze-a-palooza. So this is what I get for trying to go home early and getting into bed early, thinking I can sneak one past the Hangover Monster. Instead, he kicks me in the ass by waking me up at 5:30 am this morning, reminding me that I can’t sleep with any kind of alcohol in my system.

9:10 am – I have walked into the office. I have worn brown today. Brown is the color of our cubicle walls. Hopefully, I blend in and no one notices me here.

9:11 am – Someone noticed me.

9:13 am – Someone else noticed me as well.

9:20 am – This is getting to be a problem

10:38 am – Unfortunately, the Jedi Mind Trick is not working and people are penetrating my Invisible Wall, feeling the urge to converse with me today. This does not make me happy.

11:25 am – I wonder if anyone would actually say anything if I unfolded a cot underneath my desk and decided to chill out there for a little while?

12:01 pm – The Big Man wants me to go to a lunch meeting with him last minute and give the rundown on a big event we have in September to a dude I’ve never met before. I lie like a dog and tell him I have a conference call at 1. Maybe that’s when I’ll unfold the cot.

12:15 pm – Time to sneak out and pretend to get lunch before my "conference call" (air quotes!) at 1. Even though I brought lunch with me.

12:52 pm – Oh, what the hell. That noodle soup looked good, so I wound getting that. I’ll save the other lunch for tomorrow, which is also soup.

1:00 pm - What do you know? The conference call was cancelled!

1:25 pm – That other lunch turned to be pretty good as well. Love me those lentils.

1:52 pm – But those lentils don’t love me. I’ve been walking around smiling at everyone with a lentil skin covering one of my teeth, until someone was kind enough to point it out.

2:12 pm – I pretend to work on my computer. What I’m really doing is impersonating a snake and sleeping with my eyes open.

2:49 pm – Happy Halloween by the way.

3:52 pm – I’m so out of it, I forgot to post this live and keep it running throughout the day. But I’m doing it now?
4:40 pm - Actually, the day is ending on a high note with this photographic missive from C:

Because I'm not the only dog who had her day

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Gawne baby, gawne!

So I overdid it over the weekend. Rather than having a nice relaxing weekend in Florida, we met up with A From LA at the Hard Rock hotel and I proceeded to get very schnockered on Guinnii Sunday night. Olympic sprints in the casino optional because I'm such a klassy gal.
So I wasn't looking forward to coming home on Monday night, given my thentitive condition and having to return to work on Tuesday. Add to that a barfy, poopy puppy waking you up at 5 in the morning and it can only go downhill from there. However, while I'm wheezy with a cold due to all the fun and games, there is actually a light at the end of this tunnel.

But while we're on the subject, it's no fun being Wheezy

Let me start by telling you that hell indeed has frozen over! That pigs are flying out there doing loop-de-loops over the Empire State Building. And yes, we have discovered that the pope is in fact Jewish!

"Shalom, my peoples!"

Why? Because they fired Mr. Incredible. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, Goldenballs Has Left The Building! We now have a kinder, gentler environment in which to work in! You know the lil' song and dance the Munchkins do when the house falls on the Wicked Witch of the East?

Ding dong, the ding dong is dead!

They describe rapture as a mixture of "all your birthdays and Christmases rolled into one". (In my case, that would be a whole lotta Hanukahs!) Well, this occurrence is those two things aaaa-haannd...

The day I met C

The day I got married

Getting my driver's license

Some other days that shall remain nameless in this family-friendly blog

And the birth of my future child. (No, I'm not pregnant, but my guess is motherhood ranks pretty high up there.)

It's aaaaalllllll that and more! Although I was not in the office at the time it happened, I can live with the fact that I never got to say goodbye. Yeah, sure. That and the idea that I will never have to look at his smug, bad-writin', Verdana-lovin’ mug again.

What am I saying...I don't wish unemployment on anyone. And I really should not gloat at someone else's misfortune.

Oh, who am I kidding? Payback's a bitch, sucka! Yeah, I suppose that means my soul needs some saving, but I'll worry about that later. Right now, all I want to do is gloriously roll around in this feeling like Zoe Dawg does in other dogs' scat when we go to the park.

C'mon Wheezy, let's dance!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

E-mail for the day

I am delirious from a near-miss with my dog's projectile vomit at 5 am this morning. Was slightly mollified by some veddy, veddy interesting news regarding Mr. Incredible, so I decided to plug ahead with our work happy hour, otherwise known as Bitchfest. The sacrifices I make for my job.

From: M
Sent: Tuesday, October 16, 2007 11:02 AM
To: K; J; L; A; C
Subject: Zeitplan für das bitchfest

5:00 pm – leave for Public House, go to ATM, etc etc

5:10 – 5:30 – Discuss latest development (this would be the non-bitching portion of the evening)

5:30 on – Back to our regularly scheduled bitching

More on Mr. Incredible after I get the lowdown on this Bitchfest break...