Friday, June 29, 2007

Doggone it: A PSA from Moi

To know me is to know I lurrrrrve doggies. Seriously bananas about dogs, especially mine. Which is why my heart broke a little bit when Zoe Dawg was diagnosed with Lyme disease last week.

Who knew a nasty little tick could wreak so much havoc? But it has, causing her to limp and hobble while claiming its assault on her back leg. It could have been worse if we hadn't caught it. I'm talking about things like organ damage. Scary stuff. She's on treatment now and hopefully will get better, but don't be an asshole like Moi and assume ticks are just a summertime thing. Because they're not. Not when cute looking Bambi is running around the woods all through the year, carrying nasty ass ticks that are just waiting to have your dog for dinner. Now my little girl is afflicted with a disease that will never be cured, just treated, and all we can do is keep looking out for her.

My favorite pic of C and Zoe Dawg

Talk about parental guilt. C and I have some serious parental guilt, so we wound up dropping $150 on Pet Goods last week. There we are, laying claim to cases of the best dog food and treats we can get, which will be eaten from the brand new, matching bowls Zoe Dawg now has, because nothing is too good for our dog, capische?

Honestly, it's much cheaper to buy your dog a tick collar.

Now what would a dog post be without a doggie clip? A shout out for all the Norwegian service dogs in the house!

Now go and give your dog a hug.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Greer Childers Freaks. Me. Out.

I'm not sure you if you know who Greer Childers is. She's like Morgan Fairchild's long lost sister on crack. I only recently discovered who this chick was, when I caught an infomercial for her product? weight loss plan? diet pill? called Shapely Secrets. It's obviously a very good secret, because I can't even tell you what she's trying to sell.

But the freakiest thing, not the bleached out mullay-type haircut. It', not her name which is like something straight out of a V.C. Andrews novel. It's the face. With only her eyeballs moving and that lower jaw pumping away as she talks, man, I could sit and watch Greer Childers talk for hours and hours on end. Because nothing moves. Nothing. Nada. It is so well preserved, it's like watching a skeleton talk but with skin. She can barely blink. Those eyes are looking left to right like "Help! Get us out of here!"

And it's the most fascinating thing I've ever seen in my life.

I wish I could find a video clip for you and say Look what a Botox & Collagen cocktail can do for you! But sneakily enough, even her website doesn't feature any clips of her talking. Which is good for me, because I swear there's some mind-altering trick to this that I haven't yet figured out. All I know is: sit me down with a vodka tonic in front of a Greer video reel and that's the last you're seeing of me for a while!

So what I can offer you is this video clip from another era, a gentler time when Greer Could Move Her Face. Judging by this video, it's probably how she got into this mess to begin with.

In the interest of full disclosure, I watched this at my parents' house over the weekend. Since he couldn't see the screen, I'm convinced my father thinks I was watching porn on his laptop.