Blogging in paradise

I'm stealing a moment with the tablet, as C has gone up to Fort Lauderdale to see a friend. Another Brit expat living in the States, natch. I'm quite happy to stay behind for reasons too obvious, as you will see from the photo I took from our balcony.

All the lemmings, including myself, are out in full force today

I came inside because while it's gorgeous out, I suffered a nasty bout of dehydration in Target yesterday. I got all shaky and light-headed, while my fingers started going tingly and numb. Instead of trying to alleviate the problem, I did what any self-respecting woman would do and kept shopping. I was going to keep on shopping in Tar-jhay until it killed me.

"Clean-up in Aisle 7. Passed out shopper on the floor."

So we've been all over the place recently. We went to the Bahamas, because C had to meet one of the planes there for his company. Since they were footing half of his expenses, it made sense that I would tag along. And part of the bargain was that aforementioned snorkeling/feed me to the sharks excursion.

I must say I came out the winner. As someone with an inordinate fear of sharks, and consequently deep water, I was feeling a bit uneasy about this. I've never had an encounter with a shark, but I've seen Jaws. So this, combined with taking advantage of the Senor Frog's next to our hotel the night before, made for a very shaky and nervous M the day of the trip. Just like the girl who went from vertically sitting on a bar stool to horizontally splayed on the dance floor in three seconds flat, I was sure I was going to suffer humiliation in front of my fellow visitors to the beautiful Bahamas.

But no. Initially, I was sure I wasn't going to last. The boat ferried us to at least several miles offshore, until we got to the first snorkel stop. I got into the water with C next to me, put on my mask, then the tube in my mouth, and stuck my head in the water. I immediately panicked after two seconds and came up, telling C, "I cant do this."

I had snuck quite a few cigarettes in the night before, despite having pretty much quit, and this didn't help my breathing matters. Also, I simply wasn't prepared to see everything so clearly as I did. Unlike being just off the shoreline, you really see everything at a point this far out. So when I stuck my head in and saw a fishie staring right back at me...

"Wassap!!"

I all of a sudden understood what "swimming with the fishes" really meant.

But C was the man of the moment. He got me to calm down and start over, never leaving my side. By the second stop, I was swimming this way and that a way, making him suffer the wake of my fins flip-flapping all over the place. What I saw, I can't describe. Simply put, it was beautiful. As someone who never cared that much about aquariums or ocean life, I all of a sudden got it.

We had fish food we bought at the store and once we opened them up, it was like being caught in a rainbow swirl of hungry fish. Colors and markings like I'd never seen before. There was one black and white spotted guy, with orange stripes running down his sides - he looked so badass, you could tell he was the Axl Rose of the sea. Despite a close encounter with a baby barracuda and a bluefish who I just know was hell bent on pursuing me, it was awesome and I'm so ready to do it again.

By the time we got to the shark part, I was substantially less nervous. Not because I was one with the ocean, but because I figured if the snorkeling company has done this with countless people before me, then I'm not the first and I'm not the last. They made us all hold onto a rope and float, while they lowered a cage of food about 15 feet below us. Then we watched about 6 or 8 of them swim around the cage, sniffing out the goods.

Was I nervous? Hell, yeah! Sometimes they came sometimes within 8 feet below us, making my stomach do several flips. I kept hoping that asshole, who insisted on kicking his fins in my face even though we were supposed to be completely still, would look more tempting to the sharks than I would. But at least I kept calm and lasted about five minutes, before I decided my time was up. Then I slowly moved myself to the boat to get back on. When I got there, there was another girl with her head between her knees, sobbing from fear. Add to that a couple where the big, beefy blond guy had apparently freaked and was the first person back on before you could say boo.

I don't feel that I'm better than them because I somehow managed to keep my cool (how I don't know). I just feel better about myself. I conquered something - but still not all of it - that was both mental and physical for me.

So having said all that, there's still so much more, but that's another day. In the meantime, my skin is flaking off from all the flying back and forth, and I remembered what Donatella Versace said about flying on planes -moisturize, moisturize, moisturize! Though judging from the state of her, I don't know if I should be following her advice...

Donatella Versace and Janice from "The Muppets" - not a coincidence