You spell with your bad self!

Even though it's Wednesday, I will post this as Thursday in the hopes that I get work done tomorrow. But if I have something to say tomorrow, stop me.

So...have you seen the previews for that movie out in the theaters, Akeelah and the Bee? No? Allow me. You just really need to watch the first 45 seconds before you go into insulin shock.



Did you see that? Did you see that?!? I mean, that little girl got right up there, stared him down, and spelled! Those letters came flying out of her mouth rapid-fire, like boom boom boom a-rat-a-tat-tat. Look out you all - she's a spelling bandit!

And all those crazy camera angles too, where they're just rendered speechless by her spelling. Goes right up in their faces and their eyes go all big, just in case you hadn't figured out this is the big moment. This is the gratuitous Oscar nomination clip. It's bigger than when E.T. gets to go home. Bigger than when Bruce Willis saves the world because he sacrifices himself in Armageddon. Because that girl can spell and she spells like the wind!

Fast forward to the 2006 Oscars... "I'd like to thank my mom, my dad, and the letters A, B, and C. Oh, and let's not forget D and E. I couldn't have done it with you all. Oh...let's just make it the whole alphabet! Thank you, the alphabet!"

Although, I do have to say that in the midst of this thought-provoking, awareness-raising preachiness...you do realize that "Booger" from Revenge of the Nerds plays the part of the principal?

You know you can't fool me. That movie may be over 20 years old and he's been in countless other things, including the much beloved Moonlighting. But I know who he is! You can't pass off Booger as a respectable member of society - like a school principal. He was, is, and always will be Booger.

This film will reek Mr. Holland's Opus style, because Starbucks is behind it. They probably pumped that little girl full of Mocha Frappucinos and Lemon Bundt Cakes to get her to spell like that. That one little flash of their logo right before the trailer starts? That's a sign. They're hell bent on world domination and she's their pint-sized leader. Meet Starbucksaballahtology.

You're still not convinced? Look at Laurence Fishburne. What happened to Morpheus?

Enough said.