Hair's a to a beautiful Tuesday

This morning, I got on the subway and immediately homed in on a empty spot between two people. On the 6 train at 8:45 am, this is pure gold.

So I dove for it, then screeched to a halt and nearly broke my nose trying to stop myself from landing my tush down in the seat. WOAH! There was hair all over that seat! And it was still attached to the head of its owner.

Crystal, honey, put that away

What do you do then? Do you brush the hair aside so you can sit down? Do you ask them to move their hair? I felt a giggle working its way up my throat when I decided to do that latter.

"Um, excuse me?" She looked up from her book. "Do you mind moving your...hair? AAAHAHAHAAAA!"

Oh dear.

I couldn't help it. It just seemed so ridiculous, so FUNNY. I was asking someone to move their hair. Imagine yourself doing the same and try not to smile. Then when I heard someone else snickering behind me...well, that didn't help either. It just pushed me further until I had tears coming out of my eyes. Oh boy. I imagined Cousin Itt was not happy, but I couldn't tell underneath all that hair.

A voice came out from the follicular deeps. "I don't think that's a good idea now. You may think it's funny, but my hair holds a lot of memories for me."

Oh, I'm sure it did - when hair gets long like that, we're talking vintage. Sure enough, I start laughing again. What was wrong with me? Then I heard the voice behind me say, "You know the Skittles ad?"

(Sir, if you're out there reading this, you so owe me big time.)

So now I'm picturing the hair rising up and dusting the seat off, before gesturing for me to sit down. I could feel my face burning as I turned away, trying to prevent another paroxysm of laughter. At this point, I was going to give myself an aneurysm. I heard another voice say, "So rude!"

And it was. I was disgusted with myself. Completely appalled! But that didn't mean I could make it stop. So I avoided looking into those disapproving eyes staring me down and mercifully jumped out at the 5th Avenue stop. There, I held onto a column and just tried to make it Go...Away.

At that moment, I was the safest person in all of New York City, because nobody would have dared to come within twenty feet of my maniacally laughing self.

But finally, it did go away. And I got back onto the next train and couldn't stop myself smiling. The Long Hair Gods will strike lightning upon me, but I felt so much lighter. Even though I had probably ruined someone else's day.

It must be either be stress or there's a full moon out. Now I have to go sort out my karma by saving a kitten from a tree or something.

I'm such an asshole.