Pro-doosh

Saturday night was my mom's birthday. It was a banner year, so we went to the Central Park Boat House for dinner. Family and some close friends all got together, making it really special for my mother, who got a bit farklempt at one point. That was monumental. She wasn't even that bad at my wedding. The last time she was that farklempt was in 1984. Mix "The Way We Were" with the mother of the Bar Mitzvah boy and you've got a puddle on your hands.

Warning: With this double barrel of Farklempt, no Jewish Mother is safe

So the dinner was a success and a group of us went out afterwards to a bar and a roof party with my brother. It's a nice night out and we're enjoying the warm weather and open sky, replete with a makeshift bar in the middle.

C and I are introduced to this girl - let's call her I. - who my brother met a few weeks ago. It turns out she lives in our neighborhood, hence a discussion of our shared love of Agata and Valentina, the neighborhood gourmet shop. But for very different reasons.

I. - "Do you know Agata & Valentina?"

C and I smile at each other knowingly, like Do we know Aggy & Valley? Phsaw! I turn to her, laughing: "Of course!"

I. - "Ohmygod, their produce is just fabulous! I live almost 10 blocks away and I will walk there for my produce. They just have the best produce in the area!"

Reeling from the 'produce' overuse, I look over at C. We buy our fruit and veg at Gristedes.

I. - "I would never buy my produce at Gristedes! Ick, no! It's poison!"

Yes, I shrank about two sizes right there and then in front of the Cucumber Snob.

Buying your pro-doosh at Gristede's = pre-makeover Carrot Top

Getting it from Agata & Valentina = Carrot Top on steroids

C and I, we get our "treats" at Aggy & Valley. Like the homemade mozzarella that melts in your mouth. Or the the spicy shrimp salad C adores. But, neither of us see the point in buying organic and paying through the nose just to ostensibly eat "healthy". If our zucchini comes from Gristedes, does that make it fast food?

Seriously, how is one head of lettuce going to negate the damage done by breathing in bus fumes, and all those other airborne toxins, every day? I openly accept that while I blade along with the Hudson River sparkling in the sun on my right, there is also a packed West Side Highway there on my left.

See, you can't win. So I get my pro-doosh at Gristedes.

"But Mom, all the cool cauliflowers who hang out at Agata & Valentina have an LV Speedy!"