When you comibine mass stupidity into one force...this is what happens
When I first heard this, I was a bit annoyed. I mean, I already knew of my colleagues' stupidity to begin with, but really, this was taking it to a whole other level. We're talking stratospheric levels of stupidity. I usually refrain from engaging in small talk and conversational chit chat with these people, because I fear their stupidity could be contagious.
But these Einsteins have figured out that if I gave three months notice, well...I must be pregnant! Even though I'm far from Pollyanna when I come into work each day, these highly intelligent people assume somehow that I really love my job. Why would I leave it?!? Yeah, if I were pregnant, what better time to go off into The Great Unknown, forgo paid maternity leave, and you know, see what happens without any steady income. It'll be fun!
In case you're wondering, I'm not looking pregnant either. Even the people from our satellite office are asking this, when they haven't seen me in months. Let's face it: it's a phenomenom of stupidity. And a throwback for womens' rights. There's absolutely no other reason I could be leaving my job, except that I've got a bun in the oven.
"Maw, what's that big, scary looking thing over there?"
"Oh, that's feminism, girls. If you leave it alone, hopefully it'll go away."
Regardless, the Idiot Prince - aka the president's son (nepotism, hello!) - approached a work friend about me. She tells him straight out I'm not pregnant, and still the nitwit walked away refusing to believe her, saying he just knows I am. So I shot myself in the foot when I announced to another girl yesterday: "I'm hurting", not seeing him standing right there. Now, he's convinced I have morning sickness, when the only morning sickness I had was down to a few too many Guinnii.
Professor Nemo of Building Management 101
But now I'm having fun with this. It kind of hit me that, hey, these people are being really nice to me. It's not my fault they think I'm pregnant. I didn't say anything. These morons came up with this genuis idea all by themselves. Since they don't know I'm onto them, it's like a bad Three's Company episode, misunderstandings and all. Except that I've got to milk this for all it's worth until I go.
When there's something heavy to be lifted, I just smile and rub my tummy, then they're practically forcing me to sit down while they do it. If I forget something, it's okay, it's the premature onset of Mommy Brain. Being pregnant, without really being pregnant, is turning out to be a whole lot of fun!
I might start framing pictures of the Gerber's baby and decorating my desk with some paper storks next.
posted by Currin Girl at 12:57 PM
4 Comments:
maybe you can take it further and drink alcohol at office lunches and make comments about how you hate children. if you're lucky, your colleagues will report you to dyfs for negligence.
~kim e.
That's brilliant! They say "Guinness for Strength", right?
Then of course, Gwyneth would say I was copying her.
So what happens when they realize you're not pregnant?
Or I guess you'll be gone in 3 months so they won't notice if you do or don't get bigger.
Meh, try to get as much free stuff as possible and have fun!
ooh...i like shaz's idea of "having fun". you can do things like accidentally running into chair backs and "poking" the baby. or you can have unwarranted moodswings wherein you yell at your boss and claim the pregnancy has caused horomone imbalance. get creative, sweetie. you have three whole months.
~kim e.
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