Doggie kisses, but reversed

Zoe went to the groomers this morning, because it was time for her spring cleaning. And to be honest, her stank was downright embarassing. People would zoom in on her on the street, and coming within two feet of her they'd back off, going "Woahhhh!" So I took her to a new place, because it's open on Sundays and it was just several blocks from me.

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One of the nice things about it is that you can access the groomer's webcam, using a passcode, and watch your dog being groomed. Fun, I thought. Little did I know what that webcam would reveal.

Otherwise, Zoe would have had her "freaky groomer" protective outfit on

After breakfast, C and I come home and access their cam. And there's Zoe, being blown dry. Awwww, I thought. This is great. We left the cam on and every once in a while, we'd check to see what she was up to. And you know...something has to always happen after C goes off somewhere, like that time in the taxi.

So he leaves. I'm working on an article for a website and I decide to check on her. Perfect timing, as she's being lifted onto the table for her fur to be clipped. So the guy pays some attention to her, hugs her, and pets her, I guess to calm her down. Now I'm even more impressed, right? I'm thrilled my dog is at this place where I know she's being treated well. But of course, I spoke too soon.

The guy plants a kiss on my dog's mouth. I blink for a second and think, "Okee, well he grooms dogs, that shouldn't faze him. Or me." Granted, Zoe is cute, but I've never kissed the dog on the mouth. And I Love her, with a capital L. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

And then he does it again and gives her another big hug. I shake my head and minimize my 'work' window to settle in and watch this. I mean, the dog came for a grooming. Not a makeout session.

Just when I think I'm overreacting, he does it one, two, three more times over the next minute. I laugh out loud, like What the fark is going on here? He's molesting my dog! I fidget in my seat and look around, like "C, where are youuuuu?" Meanwhile, Zoe's just sitting on the groomer's table, looking bemused and probably wondering when the grooming part begins. The other two workers are just busy doing their thing with other dogs in the background, and I'm half-laughing, half-shouting at the screen, "This is crazy, people! Stop himmm!!!"

I'm horrified, and I don't know if I should be, but it's just so wierd. And he keeps doing it! Do I show up at the place and yell, "Stop kissing my dog!" Who would be the crazier one - me or him?

So I decide to minimize that window and continue working until I get the phone call that she's ready. But my thoughts aren't all there and I'm all concerned about the well-being of my dog. When the phone rings, I'm at the groomer's in a flash to find Zoe ready and waiting.

"Being a sex symbol is so exhausting"

But she does look great. Smells great. Feels great. Mission accomplished and I think, Maybe we'll be back. And just when I'm leaving with her bouncing around at my feet, the guy gives me this wierd smile and says, "Your dog has great teeth."

Er, maybe not.