And how is YOUR week?

Sometime late last week, the Big Man Upstairs was a little bored and said, "You know what? I think I'm gonna have a little fun at M's expense."

You think I'm kidding? Let me backtrack a little here. I'm not exactly the most graceful person. Friends and family are smirking because they would say that's an understatement. My body is a map of scars, broken bones, and wierd angles thanks to a lifetime of slips, trips, and mishaps. I once broke my little toe by walking into a wall as I stepped away from a staircase. And because I needed to even things out, a year later I broke the one on my other foot taking a shower. Don't ask.

If you shaved my hair off right now, my head would not only look like a map of the United States from all the lines of scars on it, but the hills and valleys would be there too. This is thanks to the lumps and bumps I've acquired over the years.

Gorbachev has nothing on me

And don't think my propensity for bodily harm is limited to myself. Oh no. No one within a five foot radius of me is safe. Maybe even ten. After "I love you", C's most frequent sentence to me is "OW!" Which is why, as a kid, my parents had to really think things through before sending me out into the world. Not for my safety. Other people's.

My first day of fifth grade

So why do I bring this up now? Because if you sum it up, in the past week:

1) I've singed the tip of my eyelashes trying to light a match on Saturday night, thanks to an errant spark that decided to bounce back into my eye.

2) A friend's Rottweiler peed on my leg yesterday. And when a Rottweiler decides to pee on your leg, You Let Them.

3) I fell asleep waiting to empaneled during jury duty today, only to wake up to a roomful of eyes staring at me. That would be because the court officer, instead of tapping me on the arm, decide to make an announcement on the PA about not falling asleep during jury duty.

4) Oh yeah, because having one bad eye isn't enough, I nearly took my eye out with a baster while making chicken. For absolutely no other reason other than that I'm a complete and hopeless spaz.

C is in the Bahamas today for work right now, the same Bahamas that has a date with Hurricane Ernesto coming. But make no mistake: he's a hell of a lot safer there than he would be with me right now.