1st hangover diary at my new job - yay

9:12 AM I broke the seal. The "I'm going to behave for the first month of my new job, not go out, and not come in with a hangover the next morning" seal.

It was over 100 degrees out yesterday and I was thirsty. Can you blame me?

10:39 AM You know how if you stare at a word long enough, you question whether it's really a word anymore? You take it apart in pieces and start pronouncing it in different ways. Hence my befuddlement with words like "corrode", "dichotomy" and "befuddlement".

Be-fudd-leh-ment.

11:19 AM I think I should refrain from any form of speaking today. My co-workers keep looking at me like I'm speaking the language of the pygmies and it's making me a bit paranoid.

12:07 PM Random serious moment: I'm a little obsessed with the Mel Gibson story, especially now that he issued his "apology". I understand alcoholism is a disease, but I'm not as forgiving as some other Jews who are accepting that excuse. Andrea Peyser said it perfectly in her column which I was reading during my lunch break: "Mel can't hide his Anti-Semitism behind a bottle."

Serious moment over.

1:32 PM Tickets to Gnarls Barkley at Summerstage are mine. The feelings of elation that I snagged them, before the eBay vultures got to them, supersedes all previous feelings of dehydration, achiness, and complete blankness where my brain used to be. I am giddy, giddy I am. For the moment anyway.

2:45 PM Apparently, I called my mother last night? And of course, she doesn't want to tell me what we discussed.

Me: "Refresh my memory what we talked about?"

Mom: "You know what we talked about."

Me: "Not at this moment, I don't recall." (See, I told you I'm talking like a pygmy.)

Mom: "Just how happy was this happy hour?"

Me: "Gotta go. Love you, bye." (click)

5:05 PM That door is not hitting my ass on the way out of here, trust me.