What I learned in Greece, Part III - Crete

#1 Greek taxi drivers must be so confused when they visit the U.S., because 99% of Greek taxis are Mercedes-Benz. Here are all these American big shots preening around and souping up their Benz, while the cab driver from Crete is scratching his head, wondering what the fuss is all about. "Nikos! These Americans, they are crazy! They bleeng out their taxis!"

#2 I'm spoilt for Feta cheese after my visit here. I will never be able to order a Greek salad at home again. The feta tastes nothing like how it is here and it should. I love salt as much as the next person, because Americans are creating a sodium-induced frenzy by what we have done to the poor unsuspecting Feta. Let the Feta be Feta! I swear, if I could find a chunk big enough, I'd float myself home on it just so I could have it in my fridge.

#3 When it comes to signs, menus and stuff like that, the English language sometimes gets mauled. Fine. I can't speak a second language fluently and I wish I could, so anybody who speaks English as a second language gets huge respect in my eyes. Who am I to talk? But after opening up a menu and seeing this, I couldn't ignore it anymore:

Beaked omelette? I'll assume it's typo, but imagine if it wasn't. What a disturbing visual. I mean, considering an omelette is made of chicken eggs, and chicken have beaks, well...you know where I'm going with this, right? It's like "Hello, you've got the foodie equivalent of Bambi right here on your menu! Don't tell the kids!"

#4 Coming to Crete is a bit of a culture shock after Santorini. I'm not sure what to make of it, as I'm a bit shell-shocked. I've never seen so many Europeans on holiday congregated in one space. If you put them all on the Mute button, it's not that much different than the Jersey shore, but nicer.

Post note: Heraklion rocks. I love that city. Forget Hernossious (sp?) - if you ever go to Crete, go to Heraklion.

#5 No other place on Earth besides Hernossious reiterates the fondness most European men have for the Speedo bathing suit when on holiday. I'm not sure why, as it looks rather uncomfortable for both the wearer and the individual who has to witness the sporting of the Speedo. From an aesthetic point of view, hmmm, maybe some guys can get away with it. But 99% of the time, it's. just. not. okay.

But this guy (slapping my forehead)...this guy just had to go that one extra mile, didn't he? Not only did he do the Speedo, but he did it with socks. Because feet can get really burnt, you know! Oh, by the way? At the time this picture was taken, I was eating breakfast. While suffering a massive hangover of epic proportions. You do the math.

Coverage area of sock vs. coverage of all other pieces of clothing =

highly, grossly disproportionate.

#6 I'm not sure why it is, but we've gotten an inordinate number of complimentary shots served to us whether we're at a bar or out to dinner. I'm scratching my (hurting) head over this. I don't do shots these days, but it would be rude not to accept these free libations, no? Of course it would! So we can't decide. Is it because:

a) they really, really like us? (That's my Sally Fields moment right there)

b) they hope that we'll stay longer for more drinks?

c) or they find something funny about seeing an American girl and British guy completely drunk?

Somebody help me with this one.

#7 There is no hospitality like Greek hospitality. Seriously. And this has nothing to do with the shots.

#8 "The Magnificent Palace of Knossos" was a huge disappointment. Not because we were expecting a song and dance, with lyrics by Elton John, on the rise of Minoan civilization, because we weren't. But it's kind of hard to get enthused about a bunch of stones, while the original frescoes have been replaced by the two or three copies that were there. Now, I'm determined to take C back to Pompeii before they take all the casts of the bodies in volcanic ash for someone's private art collection.

#9 Riding on a quad on Cretan roadways had me both exhilarated and swearing C was out to test me. Impromptu off-roading found ourselves at the end of some dirt road, engulfed by an olive grove. My worst nightmare. Not getting lost, silly, the olive grove! Thankfully, I had eaten lunch, so I didn't have to contemplate what I would do if I were really hungry.

#10 I'm going to be so farkin' sad when we leave this country. I am having such a blast, but what am I getting sad for now? We still have Rhodes to go and more lessons to be learned!