The Good, Bad and the Ugly: Celebumoms

Lately, I'm engaging in conversations and correspondence with friends regarding the concepts of pregnancy. Not because I'm interested, because no way am I ready for that now. Nuh uh. It's only because those I'm talking to have done it or plan to do it, so I've had to consider at some point I will too. And because I'm bombarded with the same, insipid images of pregnant celebrities the rest of you are, inadvertently somehow I look to them for some kind of inspiration.

Gwen Stefani presenting a Grammy award to U2

Gwen rocks. Even in the baby way, she still has her own, inimitable style that makes pregnancy look more fashionable than Heidi Klum ever could do. And she's still rockin' in this dress of her own design- which I personally liked- even as Bono uses this as a gratuitous opportunity to inflict his Bono on poor, hapless Gwen's belly.

Let's face it: Gwen Stefani makes pregnancy look good.



Katie Holmes on a recent trip to Sydney, Australia

Oy, Katie! It may be summer in Australia right now, but I suggest you get back to the States where you can hide those tree trunks of yours. That's what happens when you carry Scientology spawn.

And pregnant or not, Burberry plaid is just unforgivable.





Melissa Joan Hart in an unmarked photo

This picture just makes me never, ever want to be pregnant. She doesn't even look like herself anymore! What was she carrying - the alien baby from V?









Michelle Williams at the Brokeback Mountain premiere

Ah, this is how it should be! We should all look this rosy-cheeked and bright-eyed, while wearing 4-inch Christian Louboutin stacked heels in our 8th month of pregnancy.

Michelle Williams is a pregnant goddess.








Britney Spears at the Charlie and The Chocolate Factory premiere

Britney's shirt says she has the golden ticket. The golden ticket for what? Really bad hair extensions and a nasty Sperminator of a husband?









You can say I'm a horrible person, you can say whatever. I know I'll be busting out the varicose veins and pudging out big time when my turn comes. So don't worry about me, I'm alright. My karma is already all sorted.