Corporate Slang: The Second Generation

Corporate lingo is something I think we all have some familiarity with. Even if you don't work in the corporate world, you may have mocked it, seen a TV or website mocking it, or watched Office Space.

Office Space: Modern parable for our lives

Recently, I have noticed terms being floated around that do not adhere to oft-overused "think outside the box"/"added-value" variety. Maybe I worked in a such a loosey goosey environment before (uh oh, did I just one?), but all of a sudden I've been hit with an influx of corporate speak that it's insinuated itself into my everyday life and not always in the right context.

Widgets: The front-runner in today's office slang. This is the penultimate word used in corporate examples when a business professional is trying to illustrate a point, but don't have a clear subject with which to highlight it. I had no idea what the word meant, just that it was the little weather thingy Yahoo installed on my desktop. A look-up reveals aside from this somewhat cloudy meaning, the word is supposed to be synonymous with "gadgets". If your office is not up on their corporate slang, peppering conference calls and meetings with"widgets" left and right, then they're going bust within two years.

Corporate world: "Let's say we were doing a special advertising section on, oh, say...widgets. We would do it this way and that a way and really get our bang for the buck."

Me: "Many years ago, Pee-Wee Herman was arrested for playing with his widgets at an X-rated movie theater."

Monetize: Another overused word that I never even heard of until I started work at my recent company. It's just another way of saying to make money.

Corporate world: "We need to think of new ways to monetize our website, as users are clicking off our pop-up ads without even looking at them."

Me: "I found two skirts during the move with the price tags still on. I know I'll never wear them, so I can monetize them by selling them on eBay."

ROI: Everyone in the corporate world wants to know what the ROI (Return On Investment) is on just about anything they do. So do I.

Corporate world: "What's the ROI for my brand if I decide to run with your magazine, as opposed to theirs? What's in it for us?"

Me (to deli counter guy): "What's the ROI if I have my sandwich with honey mustard instead of mayonnaise?"

Loosey goosey: A term implying non-commital or vague.

Corporate world: "The client is being loosey goosey. I think they may be considering another vendor, as they appear to be holding off on signing our contract."

Me: "She didn't answer her phone after she left with that guy she met at the bar. Was someone being a loosey goosey last night!"

Poop: A surprising alternative to the word "information" that features heavily in everyday corporate speak, at least in my office.

Corporate world: "The brochure should say something like 'Get the latest poop on how to hire, fire and revitalize your workforce.'"

Me (walking with C in a park and nary a bathroom in sight): "I have to poop."