The Bed

The epic battle between man and beast has manifested itself into the contretemps between C and my dog, Zoe. (That's her on the left, wishing death on me after a recent trip to the groomer's).

When C isn't here, the dog sleeps with me. My family consists of dog people and while I was growing up, we allowed dogs to sleep on the bed. Zoe herself comes from a history of sleeping on the bed; her previous owner allowed it, therefore she and I are a match made in heaven. On most nights she is of comfort to me, in spite of my being woken up by smelly farts or the whimpering and shaking during a dream. Strange bedfellows yes, but when you live alone, you take what you can.

The Bed has been subject to a series of contract negotiations. Claimant A - Zoe - is not ready to relinquish her basic right to The Bed over to claimant B - my fiance - when he is here. In spite of C's honeyed tones, belly rubs, and treats galore, this dog is no dummy. She's hustling him.

As C rises in the morning for his morning routine, she flies up with her Dumbo ears flopping and assumes her rightful place next to me. When he returns, the staredown begins. Eventually proving fruitless, he then tells her to get down, which she ignores by turning her head away from him. It's endlessly amusing to watch C physically removing her from The Bed, while she looks indignant, paws sticking out, at being placed back on the couch.

Some days, all of us are on the couch watching TV together, when C will put his hand on my leg or arm. She'll then place a paw on me as well. C will actually look her right in the face and say, "Mine!" and the staredown is off.

This dog doesn't know what's coming. It will be the end of many nights spent sleeping and twitching besides me. A bigger, less hairy creature is taking her place. As it is now, she gets grumpy and drags her heels when he walks her, as if she's doing him favors. She should be glad for the human company while I'm at the office, but she's not. It would be the ideal arrangement if he fed her, walked her, then slept on the floor.

So, when he leaves to catch his early AM flight back to the UK and I'm still in bed, she looks at him as if to say, "See you later sucka!". Then she jumps onto The Bed with the happy doggie smile on her face, secure in the fact that all is right and the universal balance has been restored.